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How to Be a Family: The Year I Dragged My Kids Around the World to Find a New Way to Be Together

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How to Be a Family: The Year I Dragged My Kids Around the World to Find a New Way to Be Together

4.85 68,564 ratings · 5,741 reviews
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Overview: In this "refreshingly relatable" (Outside) memoir, perfect for the self-isolating family, Slate editor Dan Kois sets out with his family on a journey around the world to change their lives together.What happens when one frustrated dad turns his kids' lives upside down in search of a new way to be a family?Dan Kois and his wife always did their best for their kids. Busy professionals living in the D.C. suburbs, they scheduled their children's time wisely, and when they weren't arguing over screen time, the Kois family-Dan, his wife Alia, and their two pre-teen daughters-could each be found searching for their own happiness. But aren't families supposed to achieve happiness together?In this eye-opening, heartwarming, and very funny family memoir, the fractious, loving Kois' go in search of other places on the map that might offer them the chance to live away from home-but closer together. Over a year the family lands in New Zealand, the Netherlands, Costa Rica, and small-town Kansas. The goal? To get out of their rut of busyness and distractedness and to see how other families live outside the East Coast parenting bubble.HOW TO BE A FAMILY brings readers along as the Kois girls-witty, solitary, extremely online Lyra and goofy, sensitive, social butterfly Harper-like through the Kiwi bush, ride bikes to a Dutch school in the pouring rain, battle iguanas in their Costa Rican kitchen, and learn to love a town where everyone knows your name. Meanwhile, Dan interviews neighbors, public officials, and scholars to learn why each of these places work the way they do. Will this trip change the Kois family's lives? Or do families take their problems and conflicts with them wherever we go?A journalistic memoir filled with heart, empathy, and lots of whining, HOW TO BE A FAMILY will make readers dream about the amazing adventures their own families might take.

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Book details & editions

ISBN
43521707
Publication date
September 17, 2019
Pages
N/A pages
Reading Options
PDF · EPUB · Mobi
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Dan Kois
About the Author
Dan Kois
19,645 Followers

Dan Kois is a writer and avid reader based in the Pacific Northwest. Before pursuing writing full-time, they spent over a decade working in education. When not working on their next book, Dan Kois can usually be found hiking with their dog or trying out new coffee shops in their neighborhood.

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Sandra Phillips
Sandra Phillips February 24, 2024
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Cynthia Jackson
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Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem.
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Andrew Baker March 16, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
Anthony Wilson
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Excellent, though slightly flawed. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel.
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Betty Nguyen April 09, 2025
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Edward Jackson
Edward Jackson July 09, 2025
I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars.
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Barbara Nguyen January 23, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
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Richard Robinson August 17, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
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It was adequate. Certain acts were fascinating, while others felt like a slight endeavor to complete. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Michael Taylor
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A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
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I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Kimberly Lewis
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I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Steven Martinez
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Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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I find myself somewhat conflicted. The prose was competent, yet the characters lacked the depth I usually seek. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes.
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I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
Ashley Robinson
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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A highly sophisticated read. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
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Mary  Parker
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Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Absolutely brilliant. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Ashley Scott
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Excellent, though slightly flawed. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Elizabeth Lewis
Elizabeth Lewis June 04, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Emily Harris
Emily Harris July 28, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. A true literary gem.
Rebecca Rivera
Rebecca Rivera July 10, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Sharon Ramirez May 03, 2024
I find myself somewhat conflicted. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Perfectly average.
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Sandra Edwards June 26, 2024
Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
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Mark Edwards March 22, 2024
A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A very distinguished novel.
Elizabeth Mitchell
Elizabeth Mitchell August 14, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
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Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Mary Robinson
Mary Robinson September 24, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Anthony Wilson
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Exceeded all my expectations. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
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Anthony Wilson January 05, 2024
Absolutely brilliant. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Kenneth Walker
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Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
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Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
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Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. A true literary gem.
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Linda Campbell January 26, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Sandra Edwards
Sandra Edwards February 16, 2024
Exceeded all my expectations. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem.
Joshua Williams
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Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Elizabeth Lewis
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Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars.
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I was completely blown away. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Betty Jackson
Betty Jackson August 18, 2025
Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
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Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Karen Brown
Karen Brown November 19, 2025
I was completely blown away. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Steven White
Steven White April 13, 2024
I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Amanda Walker
Amanda Walker March 01, 2025
I was completely blown away. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Jacob Taylor
Jacob Taylor August 13, 2024
A decent, if standard, experience. It possessed moments of brilliance, but the narrative felt slightly disjointed ultimately. Unlikely to reread, but a reasonable expenditure of time.
Jacob Turner
Jacob Turner June 01, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Nicholas White
Nicholas White June 19, 2025
Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars.
Jennifer Reyes
Jennifer Reyes March 25, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A very distinguished novel.
Steven Scott
Steven Scott April 11, 2025
It was adequate. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. A fair 3 stars.
Susan  Parker
Susan Parker April 06, 2024
Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Betty Johnson
Betty Johnson May 25, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Amanda Walker
Amanda Walker December 06, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading.
Edward Thomas
Edward Thomas October 29, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre.
Robert Ramirez
Robert Ramirez June 02, 2025
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall.
Kevin Rivera
Kevin Rivera June 02, 2025
Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A solid 4 stars from me.
John Roberts
John Roberts June 26, 2025
A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A solid 4 stars from me.
Susan Gonzalez
Susan Gonzalez November 03, 2024
I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall.
Amanda Allen
Amanda Allen May 11, 2024
A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend.
Emily Allen
Emily Allen July 06, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading.
Rebecca Walker
Rebecca Walker March 03, 2024
Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers.
Anthony Wilson
Anthony Wilson April 11, 2024
Masterpiece from start to finish. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading.
Donald Phillips
Donald Phillips December 16, 2024
A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Donna Jackson
Donna Jackson October 05, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author.
Patricia Nguyen
Patricia Nguyen January 08, 2025
I was completely blown away. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Richard Robinson
Richard Robinson October 12, 2025
Masterpiece from start to finish. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.
Jessica Perez
Jessica Perez October 01, 2025
Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem.
Eric Gonzalez
Eric Gonzalez April 15, 2024
Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel.
Barbara Nguyen
Barbara Nguyen January 11, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem.
Edward Edwards
Edward Edwards November 21, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An effortless 5 stars.
James Smith
James Smith November 25, 2025
Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars.
Mark Roberts
Mark Roberts March 18, 2025
Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece.