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The Best of Pif Magazine: Off-Line

The Best of Pif Magazine: Off-Line

Penned By Camille Renshaw
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The Best of Pif Magazine: Off-Line

The Best of Pif Magazine: Off-Line

Penned By Camille Renshaw
4.85 75,556 Ratings
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Editor's Note:
The Need for Characterby Richard K. Weems Until this morning my story was the same as any other yokel leaning on the brass rail at 9 a.m. Until this morning there was no reason to tell my story to anyone but the tenderer of the booze and every-goddamn-one else like me: hiding in the dark in broad daylight, feeling safe with those who suffered alike and also knew a kind of safety in anonymity. But this Bunny sitting next to me had ears and great rayon paws that folded all the way around his rocks glass. He beamed pink in this place that had not seen such color in a long time. He had a tail that exploded from his ass like nuclear activity. This Bunny had a genuine beef to make and a pile of money, and he was buying for me as long as I was listening. His face was beet red even through the white and pink make-up, and it got redder still with each double splash of Wild Turkey straight up, his grease paint whiskers got more and more ethereal by the minute. Graying human whiskers started to show from beneath. "Damn them," the Bunny screamed, "and their parents too, unable to teach them a thing or two about puddling." Back we were to the kids climbing onto his lap, their seats wet with unbridled excitement. "All I'm supposed to do," the Bunny told me, looking at me over his empty granny glass frames, "is smile and wave and tell them, 'What good little children, oh what happy and good little boys and girls we have here.' Pah!" His face pulled in around his constricted mouth. "A pox! A hail of brimstone and kitty litter upon their heads! I'm the one who has to go home with myself after letting these kids climb all over my lap. You should see how my legs smell at the end of a day. The bastards!" The Bunny slapped the bar with his pink, heavy paw, this time harder. A glass shook somewhere out there amongst the others, hard to see them in this artificial dark. The Bunny's ears flopped with the effort. What I admired most in this Bunny was his courage to stand out. In a crowded mall kids could see him from a hundred yards off. These kids probably came screaming at him. All this character, all this distinguishment and unique quality, and these kids with their puddled pants didn't even know his name. "'Mr. Bunny, Mr. Bunny,' they call me." (His ears waved in a fury now, bending against the rigidity of their wire frames). He threw back another hit, motioned to his pile of money for more. "What do they care? My name could be Henry. My name could be Oscar, Mersault, Bradley. My name could even be goddamn Jill. Who cares? They don't goddamn know it, and I don't goddamn know it, but how am I supposed to goddamn know it? All I get is a suit. I get a chart on how to paint my face. I'm told to call them good little girls and boys, and I'm told to put them on my lap and smile and take a few pictures. No script, no motivation, no context on the nature of being the Easter Bunny in today's society, nothing." Shining through was the thespian in him, the need for soul, a part with history and needs and wants and desires and sub-text. I was agreeing with this man, this Bunny, because he was the one with the money, and I had a tab that could make the strongest man wince-but still it was obvious. Even I could have been the Bunny if the need for character was all it took. "I could be a Nathan," the Bunny continued, "a Ross. I could be Jonathan Nathaniel Zimmerman, I could be Edwin Arlington Robinson even, for all those fuckers care." He looked at the clock. It was ten minutes until the mall opened. "Oh, jeez," said the Bunny, sliding from his stool, his large feet making nary a sound as they met the floor. The Bunny was on his way out, the remnants of his money clutched in a paw. What I'm trying to tell you is this: in that instant I knew it: I could have been the Bunny. The suit was big enough to fit anyone. I could have been the Bunny. I'd know my name. "Hold up, hold up," I called, but he was nearly out the door already. I left behind my drink and was out after his rolling, exaggerated hips. I could have grabbed him right there, by the puff of his tail maybe. It was a good chance to catch him unawares and give me the element of surprise and the first swing at him, but I had to wait until we were out of sight of the others (I didn't want them to think the Bunny and me were lovers or anything like that) who were still hiding in the dark and were never going to get the chance to find their names this easily and weren't going to find their names in a long, long time. First Appeared in Pif Magazine's No. 16 September 1998 Issue

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Released April, 2000
Identifier (ISBN) 15388
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Camille Renshaw
The Mind Behind the Work
Camille Renshaw

After spending years working in the corporate world, Camille Renshaw finally decided to pursue a lifelong passion for writing. They currently reside in a quiet suburb where they spend most of their time outlining new stories, reading extensively, and occasionally attempting to bake.

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Stephanie King
Stephanie King November 10, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Sarah Nelson
Sarah Nelson December 07, 2024
"A very strong entry. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. Quite impressive overall."
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Brian Moore
Brian Moore December 28, 2024
"Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
David Rivera
David Rivera November 10, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading."
George Jones
George Jones April 30, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. A solid 4 stars from me."
Nancy Wright
Nancy Wright February 19, 2025
"A profoundly satisfying read. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Mark White
Mark White November 04, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Susan Rivera
Susan Rivera November 02, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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Carol Lopez June 09, 2024
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Betty Turner
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Barbara Moore
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
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"I was completely blown away. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading."
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"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel."
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"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel."
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Ashley Lewis
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"Exceeded all my expectations. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading."
Carol Harris
Carol Harris June 12, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Steven Walker
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"Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. Worth every moment spent reading."
Joshua Clark
Joshua Clark September 13, 2025
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading."
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"A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
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Kevin Garcia December 12, 2024
"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading."
Rebecca Harris
Rebecca Harris December 03, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
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"Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem."
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"Absolutely brilliant. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An effortless 5 stars."
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"Such a rich narrative. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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"A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel."
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"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. The middle had a deliberate pace, but the climax was phenomenal. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
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"Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An effortless 5 stars."
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"A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. Quite impressive overall."
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"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Elizabeth Nelson
Elizabeth Nelson November 06, 2025
"Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
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"Such a rich narrative. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Amanda Thompson
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"A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
Barbara Rivera
Barbara Rivera February 15, 2024
"A profoundly satisfying read. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Susan Jones
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"I was completely blown away. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. A true literary gem."
Karen Torres
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Michael Roberts
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. I am now a lifelong fan of this author."
James Thomas
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"Masterpiece from start to finish. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. An effortless 5 stars."
Stephanie Garcia
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"Such a rich narrative. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
John Robinson
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"A profoundly satisfying read. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. Worth every moment spent reading."
Stephanie Garcia
Stephanie Garcia April 14, 2024
"A profoundly satisfying read. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An effortless 5 stars."
Mark White
Mark White April 02, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Kenneth Hall
Kenneth Hall December 25, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall."
Barbara Young
Barbara Young July 21, 2024
"Exceeded all my expectations. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Betty Gonzalez
Betty Gonzalez December 08, 2025
"A very strong entry. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Donald Diaz
Donald Diaz March 04, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A solid 4 stars from me."
Dorothy Thomas
Dorothy Thomas November 30, 2025
"A decent, if standard, experience. It verged on repetitive in the second act. A more concise edit would have served it well. Perhaps more aligned with a different audience's tastes."
Christopher Nelson
Christopher Nelson September 06, 2025
"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. A brilliant concept executed with flair. Just a few pacing choices I would change. A very distinguished novel."
Steven Young
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Charles Jones
Charles Jones May 16, 2024
"A highly sophisticated read. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. Quite impressive overall."
Ryan Green
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"Honestly one of the most premium reading experiences lately. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Stephanie Robinson
Stephanie Robinson August 22, 2025
"A profoundly satisfying read. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. A true literary gem."
Paul Ramirez
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"I was completely blown away. I adored how the story unfolded. It kept me captivated without sacrificing elegance. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Daniel Johnson
Daniel Johnson January 04, 2024
"Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. Worth every moment spent reading."
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"Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. A true literary gem."
Donna Baker
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Amanda  Davis
Amanda Davis May 20, 2024
"Such a rich narrative. The author orchestrated a breathtaking finale. Truly a work of art. Worth every moment spent reading."
Edward Walker
Edward Walker September 02, 2024
"A profoundly satisfying read. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Barbara Young
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"Exceeded all my expectations. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Nancy Walker
Nancy Walker October 07, 2024
"I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
Betty Scott
Betty Scott December 28, 2025
"Took a moment to build, but the payoff was spectacular. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. Quite impressive overall."
Jennifer Thompson
Jennifer Thompson September 22, 2025
"An acceptable diversion. The tempo was somewhat languid, and I found my mind wandering. Not poor, simply average. Suitable if your reading queue is empty."
Jennifer Williams
Jennifer Williams November 17, 2024
"Absolutely brilliant. The pacing was impeccable and the characters felt incredibly authentic. I was completely immersed. An absolute must-read for connoisseurs of the genre."
William Campbell
William Campbell November 20, 2025
"I was completely blown away. I became deeply invested in the protagonist's journey. A masterclass in storytelling. An effortless 5 stars."
Rebecca Thompson
Rebecca Thompson July 02, 2024
"Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. A very distinguished novel."
Kimberly Williams
Kimberly Williams November 13, 2024
"Excellent, though slightly flawed. The protagonist was compelling, though some subplots felt slightly overshadowed. Quite impressive overall."
David Rivera
David Rivera March 12, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. A wonderful companion for a quiet weekend."
Donna Phillips
Donna Phillips October 03, 2025
"Absolutely brilliant. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. Worth every moment spent reading."
Cynthia Lee
Cynthia Lee April 20, 2024
"Masterpiece from start to finish. The prose is exquisite. It’s accessible yet undeniably sophisticated. I will undoubtedly revisit this masterpiece."
Jacob Rivera
Jacob Rivera January 22, 2025
"Such a rich narrative. It strikes a perfect harmony of dialogue and world-building. Every chapter felt necessary. A true literary gem."
Barbara Thomas
Barbara Thomas May 20, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. It held my rapt attention, even when certain twists were telegraphed. I would highly recommend this to discerning readers."
Mark White
Mark White February 12, 2024
"I thoroughly enjoyed the elegance of it. Beautiful writing, though I craved slightly more depth in the lore. Still, undeniably engaging. A solid 4 stars from me."
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